Last week I decided to remove vibration from my sex life again. Vibration is not good for me orgasmically. Or rather, it is good, too good, but it reduces my ability to orgasm by other means. First the disclaimer. Around 35% of adult women are pre-orgasmic. They have never orgasmed and not because they haven’t tried. I know that using vibration can be the means to open the door and let their orgasm in. I am not suggesting that using vibrators is problematic for every woman I am just sharing my personal experience.
I have never been pre-orgasmic. I started masturbating as a young child and had small orgasms even then. I was a pillow humper. I would masturbate by grinding my clitoris into a pillow, arm of a chair, bunched up quilt. This is a common way for girls to start masturbating but they progress to using their hands later. For me this continued into my adolescence and adult life as my preferred means of masturbation. I orgasmed very easily and quickly this way. When I started having partner sex I found it easiest to orgasm from tribbing or from vaginal penetration in a position (usually me on top of my lover) where my clitoris could grind against their pubic bone. It is this way, being penetrated whilst grinding my clitoris for stimulation, that I am most easily multi-orgasmic.
When I was 24 and started making masturbation porn I discovered that most people use their hands or a vibrator to masturbate and only about 5% of people grind. I stopped masturbating by grinding and changed to my hands. I had used hands a few times in my life when I was really horny and needed to wank and humping something was not a discrete enough means to orgasm. I did not orgasm as easily or as often or as strongly this way but I stuck at it. I felt that with practice and familiarity I would orgasm as easily via this means of masturbation as I did grinding. Using hands was by far the easiest way to be filmed masturbating but I was taking a longtime to orgasm on camera. It was perplexing as during grinding masturbation I will have my first orgasm in under a minute and then can proceed to have more. As an interesting aside I used to be really ashamed of my very quick climax. I would often orgasm just from pressing myself against a person whilst making out even still fully clothed. I think I felt about myself as someone who ejaculates prematurely. The dearth of sex ed about female sexual pleasure left me unaware that I could have more than one orgasm. I was incredibly pleased to find out when I was about 19 that I could have more than one orgasm and so it did not matter if I had the first one so easily.
When I was 25 I bought my first vibrator. I locked myself in a room with it for nine hours and had orgasm after orgasm. Soon I didn’t want to masturbated any other way. Considering how often I masturbated I used vibration too often and I started to desensitize my clit. Within three years my ability to orgasm during partner sex and during manual masturbation, whether grinding or hands on, was deteriorating. I threw away my vibrators then and I have been battling ever since to get back to the multi-orgasmic capacity I had during sex and masturbation for the decade before I started using ivibration. However, other contributing factors began to cause huge fluctuations with my libido… stress, insomnia, health, diet and fitness. So I returned to using vibrators during times of high stress and very low libido to keep myself orgasmic. I changed my lifestyle… that is an ongoing process.
The things I need to do to create the optimum environment in my mind and body for multi-orgasmic potential and energy are;
1)Have a secure place to live and secure income
2)Supportive, intelligent and fun friendship group
3)Eat an organic paleo diet
4)Drink at least 8 glasses of filtered water per day
6)No caffeine (it causes anxiety)
9)Be with lovers who respect and embrace my attraction to all genders rather than resent, ridicule or hate it
10)Actively learn in my life
11)Actively create in my life
13)Only have sex with people I want to have sex with. Their desire cannot make up for my lack of it.
14)Regularly masturbate by grinding.
I can orgasm even when none of these things are being taken care of, with a vibrator, but it’s muted, smaller, just in my body and not in my mind, more mechanical than sublime. I’ve been in orgasmic states where wave after wave of orgasm smashes through my body like a king tide. I know I cannot have that all the time but I know what the path is that gets me there now. Obstacles to my orgasmic power come and go but they can’t take it away nor can they take away that I know myself and the keys to accessing this ecstatic space. This is not a one sizes fits all recipe for multi-orgasm… this is my formula and I’ve spent a decade figuring it out. I’m just sharing it because I think the finding out part is important and I think the non-sexual non-physical components of accessing that space are important and often overlooked.