Get a Net Nanny

Posted on: June 28th, 2011 by Liandra

My daughter’s curiosity got the better of her last week and whilst at a friends house she looked up my website. She has been listening closely it seems and has gathered I go by the name of Liandra Dahl for all things adult entertainment related.

So she googled it and found my website. Of course her and her friend could see nothing apart from the splash page telling under 18′s to sling their hook. Let me just make that clear as clear can be; My daughter and her friend did NOT see any adult content.

Whew…did I go on a roller coaster of reactions when her friend’s mother told me she had found that they had been looking at my websites splash page in her internet browser history. There was fear about why my daughter had tried to look at my website at a friends house and confusion as to why she had shown it to another child. There was also frustration with both my daughter for putting us at risk by looking and showing my website to another child, and with the parent of her friend for not supervising internet access or having a parental filter on the internet.

Luckily for me my daughter was at the home of a beautiful Brazilian feminist woman with a PhD in physics who was quite capable of grasping the difference between the normal curiosity of children and some heinous act of over exposure for her child, by mine, thus indirectly by me. As the kids could NOT see any adult content this is the reaction I would hope for but you never know what to expect where these things are concerned.

So here is how it unpacks as to why this happened. My daughter was naturally curious and I needed to give her more information before she went looking for it where she shouldn’t. My daughter had to do this at a friends house because in our house we have a filter on her internet access so she can not access adult sites plus she can only use the internet where I can see her for half an hour per day. I am very protective of my child on the internet and I do my utmost to ensure she is not exposed to adult content. Not all parents are as educated as I am about the internet…or about child curiosity…or about how those two things can clash inappropriately and my daughter exploited some unmonitored unfiltered internet time at a friend’s home to try and take a look at my website.

Luckily for me I was the only one horrified about the event. My daughter’s friend told her mother she thought I was very brave to be naked on the internet and her mother told me she was certain my daughter wasn’t trying to look at anything sexual or to show anything sexual to her daughter but just looked at the splash page. In addition to that she told me she totally respected what I do, was thankful for the information on parental internet filters and also for the opportunity to discuss these topics with her daughter and with me. Phew…lucky this parent was an awesome, intelligent, rational, open minded, sex positive human being…very lucky.

So in the end this potential nightmare led to some great outcomes all round. The other parent involved learnt from me how to put a child protection filter on her child’s internet. I learnt that it was time to give my daughter the opportunity to ask me more questions about what I do and to explain in vastly more detail why she is not privy to the inner workings of it at all. I learnt to discuss issues of internet access with parents who’s houses my daughter will stay at. I also learnt that if my daughter is staying at someone’s house I should be certain I can be open and candid with them about what I do so that my daughter will never be in a position to have to lie for me to her friends.

I am very open about what I do. My whole family knows and all my friends do as well. However I am not so open with the parents of my daughter’s friends. I thought this would be best for her but I have now decided otherwise. I seriously doubt this situation would ever arise again but if it did, or something similar, I don’t want my daughter to be caught in a hostile home with people who are shocked and horrified to discover what I do. So I outed myself to the parents of her closest friends and overwhelmingly and unanimously got a positive and mature response back. Seems to me my daughter has good taste in friend’s and their parents plus I now feel just a little lighter about being open, honest and proud in every part of my life about what I do.

p.s. Parents I recommend using a filter http://internet-filter-review.toptenreviews.com/ it is the world wide web and if your child isn’t old enough to do world travel then they shouldn’t be unsupervised and unfiltered online. You can manually choose sites to allow also. http://www.scarleteen.com/ is a great one to direct your teenager towards and of course Dodson & Ross also.

 

My 1st Custom Porn & Bill Hicks inspired Comedy Porn

Posted on: June 24th, 2011 by Liandra

This is me holding up a DVD box containing my first custom porn DVD. How exciting! I have actually made a couple of custom porn shoots. Very short videos I could send via email but this one has been a labour of love. I was sent a brilliantly filthy custom porn request that I was delighted to create for one of my website subscribers. I really enjoyed the sense of making something so much more intimate with one of my website subscribers. Something only the two of us will see for sometime…that level of intimate interaction was something new to me and felt like a kind of porn love letter exchanged between us. Anyway, I thoroughly enjoyed it and I’m feeling excited like a kid waiting for exam results to see if he enjoys the results as much as I did making them. fingers crossed.

 

I have also had an idea inspired by the youtube video below I am shooting this weekend. It will be something to compliment the ‘Reading Time’ videos on my website… because reading is sexy and funny! Just take a look at this website for evidence of the sexiness http://hotguysreadingbooks.tumblr.com/ (if you’re into guys that is)
 

Cabaret Desire by Erika Lust

Posted on: June 21st, 2011 by Liandra

Erika has posted the trailer for her most recent movie, in which myself and Matisse were part of the cast, and I just thought you would all like to get a peek.

Cabaret Desire – Trailer from Erika Lust on Vimeo.

Rape: As I See It

Posted on: June 21st, 2011 by Liandra

I know it is a faux pas in the sex-positive porn industry these days to mention it if you’ve been raped. This is due to the fact mentioning it feeds that old assumption that sex workers have all been sexually abused or assaulted in some way and that sex work is not the kind of work a healthy woman who has not experienced abuse would ever choose.

Well that assumption is bullshit, there are plenty of women in the sex industry who have never been abused sexually or otherwise and come from loving, conservative, middle or upper class families. Women in the sex industry come from all social backgrounds actually. However I happen to be among the number of sex workers who had been raped and more than once. I found sex work helped me recover from those traumas personally so I won’t shy away about talking about rape and sharing my experience and understanding of rape as a cultural issue.

When I was 17 years old, one month after I watched my brother die of a massive head trauma, I returned to my place of employment. At Friday night drinks that week I got incredibly drunk and started wailing with grief. I was taken outside by a female colleague. My boss followed us out and sent the woman inside telling her he would find me a cab. He took me back to the office and raped me anally over a desk before putting me into a cab. So yes I was drunk and yes I was in a short skirt and yes I was in a major city and yes I left a bar alone with a man and yes I had flirted with him before I got completely drunk.

I felt so responsible for that event I wasn’t even 100% sure I had been raped for a few years despite the fact I had struggled, said no many times and come away with a bleeding arsehole. At 17 I was completely conscious that I would be judged for what my lifestyle was and what my sexuality was. I had already had multiple sexual partners, I was already drinking regularly and I had worked underage as a dancer in nightclubs. I knew and all my friends confirmed that prosecution would be futile and that I would be humiliated by the justice process. I carried this thought about the likelihood of anyone official giving a shit if a girl like me, a SLUT, was raped. The word SLUT had been flung at me so many times because I had sex as a teenage girl just like a teenage boy would if he had as many opportunities. I had been called a SLUT a million times by my mother, my brother, my father, my peers, my teachers because I was vocal about the double standard of slut stud and I was going to do what I damn pleased.

The second time I was raped was when I was 21 by my husband (now ex-husband). I was naked and in bed with him.

I have often discussed rape in debates in online adult communities and I once had a man say to me “there is historical evidence that rape has always been considered a serious crime in civilised society just as murder has. So to say that this culture encourages rapists is false”. My immediate response was this; it was only recently made illegal for a man to rape his wife and this tells you everything you need to know about rape as a crime in our legal system. Rape was a serious crime but not because our society thought than men should get consent from women. Rape was only a serious crime if you damaged another mans property (wife/daughter/sister etc). Laws around rape are only recently, and painstakingly slowly, being forced to acknowledge that not to get the consent of a woman, no matter who she is (your wife, a whore or a slut a drunk) IS a serious crime in and of itself. A women’s sexual history has very recently been made inadmissible legally, however, what she wears is still a mitigating factor in whether her NO really means NO to our society.

In every age there has always been some argument masquerading as reasonable or practical or as concern for women that puts at least partial responsibility of rape on women. Not belonging to a man who would (or could) prosecute another man for the violation of his human property used to be a reason you MIGHT get raped. Not being totally obedient to patriarchal expectations of a “good woman” used to be reason you MIGHT get raped. Not being a married and a virgin used to be reason you MIGHT get raped. Having multiple sexual partners used to be reason you MIGHT get raped. Being a whore used to be reason you MIGHT get raped. Being a lesbian used to be reason you MIGHT get correctively raped. The pattern here is our society has always perpetuated the threat of rape to curtail women’s identities, lifestyle and behaviour and we’re still buying into it.

We make women easy targets by saying that some particular thing makes them MORE LIKELY to get raped. We are still doing this with dress because it is still acceptable to tell a woman to change her behaviour to “protect” herself. I truly believe it serves no practical purpose to tell women that what they were wearing could be effective in preventing a rape happening. All this talk of protection and women’s clothing and behaviour has been around as long as rape has. It has no effect on rape rates but it does have a negative effect on raped women. When a woman who was dressed in a sexually provocative way gets raped she is going to immediately feel she was more responsible than a woman who got raped who was covered from head to toe. That feeling of responsibility is going to make her feel overwhelmed with shame and guilt that will damage her as much as the rape did.

All I ever say to other women who have experienced rape and who feel responsible is this. You were NOT raped because of your location, your clothing, your drinking, your sexuality, your gender, your sluttiness or anything else about you. You were raped because some men are rapists and our society won’t put anywhere near as much effort into PREVENTING and CURTAILING that behaviour as they will into making you feel afraid to be sexual.

Just a few last things to ponder…when men get raped do we talk about where they were? If they were alone? What they were wearing? Do we ask children that get raped this? Do we suggest that though clothing rarely has anything to do with the majority of rape cases they should still make sure they are covered up because it could protect them? My point is that men who don’t rape, which is the majority, could not be induced to by location, clothing, alcohol or any other factor ever brought up. Men that do rape will find and use any opportunity. Men that sit in some liminal potential rapist space can be pushed into seizing an opportunity because we keep making excuses for them. So maybe no right thinking people think a dress is an invitation these days (our law courts still do however and our police force) but then again it’s definitely not right thinking people who are doing the raping is it?

from my blog at http://dodsonandross.com/blogs/liandra-dahl/

The Surprising History of Sex and Love

Posted on: June 17th, 2011 by Liandra

This is a brilliant documentary. It is 48 minutes but is well worth it.

I took my 10 year old to SlutWalk

Posted on: June 7th, 2011 by Liandra 4 Comments

I was told by some people pretty close to me that SlutWalk was the not the place to take my child. That this issue of women’s sexuality, attire and consent where adult issues and this was no place for a child. I ardently disagreed but decided the choice needed to be my daughters not mine, I would not make her go. So the morning of SlutWalk we sat down and I explain what had started the phenomenon in Toronto Canada. I explained that misguided belief of clothing being responsible for rape and sexual assaults was not an isolated belief but was one that permeated society as a means to excuse rapists and control the sexuality of women. I explained to her that the word Slut was one of many words created specifically for sexually active, adventurous and assertive women. I explained we were reclaiming it from those who would tear us down. I explained how this has been and is being done with words like queer, bitch, whore and feminist. I explained to her that it could be on TV and that she could be seen by friends. I explained that many people share these negative views about sexually autonomous and adventurous women and that some of her friends parents could see and may not approve. My daughter chose to come and I was very very happy to have her there with me.

Taking my daughter meant for me that her first experience of the word slut would not be the sting of some shithead flinging this insult at her because she didn’t want to fuck him but obviously liked to fuck, or from a friend who was jealous that she got more attention for her looks, or from a teacher who wanted to curtail a horny school romance, or from a stranger who wanted to make her feel small for making them attracted to her, or from a police officer who wanted to blame her rather than put responsibility solely where it truly lies. For me this meant that my daughters first experience of the word slut was a joyous proud celebration in the streets of men, women, trans, gay, straight, bi and queer sluts celebrating proudly their right to be so without scorn, judgement or threat of sexual violence. It means that when she does experience the sharp end of this word she can use this memory to fight it and for that reason I find it more important that she was there than anyone else on the walk.

Porn for Women by Men?

Posted on: June 1st, 2011 by Liandra 1 Comment


Naked people cooking…yummy. Food and fucking just works. In Dutch “noeken in de koeken” means “sex in the kitchen”…and don’t the two go well together. I read a long time ago at the beginning of the debate on what porn for women should be that porn for women is a guy cooking and cleaning up for them. That could well be true for some but I think it has long been established that women are as visual as men and they want to watch porn and they want their partners, man or women, to help equally around the house so that they have plenty of energy to enjoy the sex and masturbation that their porn viewing will inspire….whether that happens in the kitchen or anywhere else.

The question I am hearing debated now is… Can or should men make “Porn for Women”? My answer is YES. Men can make porn for women and I hope they do just as men can be feminists also and I hope they are.

Whilst I was down filming what may well be my one and only ever mainstream porn movie in Barcelona for Erika Lust I had a great conversation with a crew member about what the genre of porn for women will become…and that is, we agreed, that it will necessarily be as diverse as women are. There are many different opinions about whether it is a good or a bad thing for men to be getting into the market of producing “porn for women” and I say it is a resounding success when they do, provided of course they don’t pretend to be women making porn for women…which is in really poor taste. When men honestly want to and publicly get involved in “porn for women” it means the female erotic gaze is being taken seriously by men as well as women and given economic value. This is great. Porn for women needn’t be mandatorily made by women producers only and women producers won’t mandatorily have women viewers in mind. Porn made by and for men will and has been influenced by the female gaze as it gains power and credibility in the market and porn made for and by women will and has been influenced by that which is made for and by men. There is no consensus on what women want to see or produce because each women wants something different just as male viewers and producers do. Their will be trends, classics, fads and cliches in women’s porn just as there is in men’s and there will be innovation, originality, artisan, the esoteric and the obscenely obscure too. I also don’t think that all women will want to see only that porn women or men make for women but what men make for men also, and vice-versa and every combination thereof.

p.s. I am not usually into stills images but the ones in this blog make me so unbelievably horny…I think tonight there shall be noeken in da koeken in my house!