When you’re a person who has always been able to have multiple orgasms it’s easy to think that you don’t need resources like Dodson and Ross for their technical applications for how to achieve orgasm and to utilise them for increased knowledge on sexuality, for support, for networking, for activism with social and political obstacles to being a fully sexual human being. However, you would be wrong, you can still work on your orgasm and I keep being reminded of this by Carlin and Betty.
What I love about DodsonandRoss.com is that Betty’s answers to people struggling with their partner sex and orgasm are constantly reminding us to get back to ourselves, to stop externalising that which only our own bodies can give us. To find the root of our sexuality in masturbation and to stay with that as a basis for keeping our sexuality healthy even when we’re partnered. I’ve always agreed with this but this morning I realised I haven’t been living it fully.
In 2005 I took my body to my sexual/pleasure pinnacle for orgasm to date. I had 10 orgasms during one 30 minute fuck session with my partner at the time. I had also had more orgasms earlier in the day and I had more later. It was quite literally sublime. In the intermittent period between then and now that relationship ended and I’ve faced a rather stressful period of growth from the age of 26 to 31. During that period I’ve had major fluctuations in orgasmic potential and libido but I have always been able to orgasm. I’ve also mostly been able to multiple orgasm, but my orgasms seemed smaller and more localised than they had been from 20 to 26 years old. So there has been this voice in my head saying things like
“is it because I’m getting older? Did I have my sexual peak early and it’s all over for mind blowing orgasms?”
“am I not as sexually connected to my current partner?”
“Did I break my body by having too much alcohol, cigarettes, etc etc”
But the major fear I had was
“Perhaps only that person can give me those kind of orgasms”
This thought haunted me particularly. Rationally I knew I was going through a period of myriad major stress factors and I knew that my lifestyle required changes for my health also, like quitting smoking and changing eating habits. (I am pleased to say that today I am 5 months a nonsmoker). However, a part of my mind was still fearfully giving away my sexual power and potential to another. Part of me still believed that a person other than myself had some magically orgasmic power for me that I could not tap into myself, I was still half waiting for someone to come along and make those huge orgasms happen to me again.
The BodySex Group brought me back to my senses momentarily and back to a more indulgent and prolonged masturbation practice. Interestingly, at the time n my life I had those 10 orgasms during sex I was working for a masturbation only porn site and so I was masturbating all the time in lots of different ways. This is probably why I was capable of 10 orgasms during partner sex but it didn’t occur to me at the time that it was my masturbation practice that was making my sex life so fucking good. It didn’t occur to me until this morning.
It’s easy for me, because I can “knock one out” pretty quick to leave it at that with masturbation. I get quick relief from stress, sleeplessness, boredom those kinds of things. I fall into this habit of abandoning a self-love practice rather readily to a quick wank. In the last year since the BodySex group I have had my biggest orgasms alone when I remember to have sex with myself not just a quick rudimentary wank to one orgasm. Trying out the different techniques I saw the other women using to masturbate during the bodysex group was my first return in five years (apart from on in frequent on camera masturbation) to investing in prolonged adventurous exploratory masturbation. Remembering Betty’s words whilst I masturbate to push through those moments when your body feels pleasure too intensely and seems to try and repell stimulation; Betty’s words about breathing and moving the orgasm energy all through your body, about relaxing and not having tension orgasms that reduce orgasmic power. Over the last year I’ve enjoyed reading Betty’s blogs about her own masturbation. Yet, I still did not really look to masturbation for my huge multi-orgasmic power, I was still expecting to find it with partner sex only, my focus and attention was there. The latest video Carlin and Betty released last Friday about having an orgasm, about the first orgasm always being small really hit home for me. I was taking myself for granted sexually, I was not putting masturbation in it’s rightful place. The stresses I had to face in that period are well and truly over now and life is good but I’ve still not been masturbating through to a third or fourth orgasm the way I was in 2006 because it was my day job then. I’ve been focussed on partner sex with masturbation as this little uninspired side dish unless it’s a special occasion like The BodySex Group or mutual masturbation or on camera. That’s why my massive mutli-orgasmic power had faded.
I just arrived in New York this morning and I’ve been thinking about Carlin and Betty in the last video for the entire flight over here. So I woke up with jetlag this morning at 5am and I decided to just wank and wank and wank and keep on wanking and see if I could get to one of those super massive orgasms of 5 years ago. After my second orgasm my cunt seemed repulsed my stimulation, so I did as Carlin and Betty said and moved my vibrator to my thighs, and then to my nipples and then back to my clitoris after a minute or two. I still felt torn between acute uncomfortable pleasure that made me really want to stop and my desire for a more encompassing orgasm. I kept stimulation going and I began to squirt (ejaculate) everywhere over and over again (something that happened to me only twice and both times with partners (the first being the 10 orgasm session in 2005 I’ve been talking about and the second being my wife). Then I exploded in a huge series of orgasms that left me trembling and weak, unable to stand, dizzy and feeling nauseated by the surge of pleasure chemicals at a level I had not experienced for years. It was sublime and I’m so fucking grateful. I lay there on the wooden floor of this rented New York City apartment in a pool of my own come and I knew I had to write this blog. I feel so fucking liberated, enlightened and also a little stupid for not having done this sooner. Thank you Carlin, and thank you Betty, for reminding me to love myself longer, harder and better.Tags: female ejaculation, masturbation, multiple orgasm, squirting